


a curious case

by corviiid (unsungillumination)



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, commission, status effects that don't technically exist but now they do because i said
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 06:18:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19223350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsungillumination/pseuds/corviiid
Summary: The first thing Akechi says after the Thing happens is, “I’m eleven, so shut the fuck up.” And Ryuji stops waving the ray gun in his face, and Ann stops trying to pinch his cheeks.“Okay,” says Futaba, after another stunned pause. “So that answers some questions.”(akechi gets hit by an age regression status effect, and the phantom thieves just have to deal with this now, apparently.)(commission for@WastedOnMojitoson twitter!)





	a curious case

**Author's Note:**

> for my quick and stupid kofi comms: "Awhile ago I drew Crow after he got hit with a Baby status effect [...] Could you maybe write something short and cute about that if you decide to take my request and happen to have some time pwetty pweaaasseeeee???"  
> (looks at this 2k word document) well. short is a relative term right guys? right guys? r
> 
> (hope u like it poppy thank u for supporting me!!)
> 
> [based on this adorable art please look at him](https://twitter.com/WastedOnMojitos/status/1107775560267247616)

   The first thing Akechi says after the Thing happens is, “I’m eleven, so shut the fuck up.” And Ryuji stops waving the ray gun in his face, and Ann stops trying to pinch his cheeks.

   “Okay,” says Futaba, after another stunned pause. “So that answers some questions.”

   “What the _hell_ does that answer?” Ryuji demands, now holding the gun out of Akechi’s reach. Akechi, who at the best of times is a good inch or so taller than Ryuji, is not enjoying these new, worse times.

   “It’s not just his body that got aged down,” says Futaba. “It’s his mind, too.”

   Ryuji opens his mouth to respond but then yelps in furious pain as Akechi abandons his jump-and-swipe technique in favour of punching Ryuji directly in the stomach. He snatches his gun back when Ryuji doubles over and retreats into the car, slamming the door.

   “I guess Akechi’s just as devious as an eleven-year-old as he is as an eighteen-year-old,” says Ann, somewhat weakly.

   The ends of Akechi’s trousers are sticking out the bottom of the door. Akechi had shrunk, his clothes had not. And it doesn’t look like he’d had his growth spurt as early as eleven, which mean he’s going to trip over his own pants if they don’t do something.

   “Can’t you fix this?” Makoto pleads with Futaba, but Futaba’s sunk into scrolling green text walls and doesn’t even grunt in response. Morgana does not look particularly happy at having his doors slammed and is nudging Yusuke for help, but Yusuke is staring at the spot where the Shadow had just disappeared.

   “Normally our status effects vanish after the enemy who inflicted them is dead,” he says.

   Ren nods. “This one got away.”

   “I guess it’s clear what we have to do,” Haru says, with an anxious look over at Morgana. “We’ll have to hunt it down!”

   “Right,” says Makoto uneasily. “It shouldn’t be too hard, since we know Shadows don’t normally leave their floor. But we’ll need…”

   “The car,” Ann finishes.

   They all look at Morgana.

   Akechi’s head pops up in the window. He looks petulant but resolute as he rolls down the window. “Do whatever you want,” he says. “But you can’t tell me what to do, okay? You’re not my parents.”

   The Thieves exchange glances.

   “If he asks if we’re there yet _one_ time,” says Ryuji, “I’m getting out.”

 

\--

 

   The plan seems relatively uncomplicated until Akechi starts to shrink again.

   “Joker,” says Makoto, her voice rising to a panicky shrill.

   Ren glances over his shoulder and then pales.

   “Um,” says Ann. “Akechi? How old are you now?”

   “Dunno,” says Akechi. “But I’m mature for my age.”

   “Okay,” says Ann. “That’s very helpful.”

   “Don’t patronise me.”

   “Okay,” says Ann again, slightly more wearily.

   “He has a gun,” Makoto realises suddenly, and they all freeze, because Akechi’s somehow snuck the gun out of Ryuji’s lap again and is now pointing it interestedly into his own face.

   Futaba snatches it away from him.

   “That’s _mine_!”

   “Not ‘til you learn trigger safety,” says Futaba, who, as the only non-gun-toting member of the Phantom Thieves, has not herself learned trigger safety. But she’s also never _not_ been the youngest in the team before, and she looks like she’s having the time of her life.

   “Give it back!” Akechi howls. “It’s _mine_!”

   “You can have it back later,” Ren says in his quiet voice.

   “ _How_ later?”

   “When you’re older,” says Ren, which makes a couple of the others snicker, but Akechi just sends him a look too venomous to belong on such a squishy face. But then he breaks into a beaming smile.

   “Okay,” he says. “I trust you.” Which means he’s going to steal the gun back at the earliest opportunity, so Makoto shoves it into Morgana’s glove box, much to Morgana’s distress.

   “I’ll take it out later,” Makoto promises.

   “There’s a _gun in my body!_ ”

   “There are _eight people in your body_ ,” Ryuji snaps. “You’re a bus! Just get over it!”

   “Kitty,” says Akechi, in a voice that is significantly higher than it was one second ago. When they look over at him, his feet don’t reach the end of the seat. And his face is much rounder. And he’s a toddler.

   “Oh,” says Haru.

   “Ah,” says Ann.

   “Pet kitty,” insists Akechi. “Pet pat.”

   Makoto leans over the backseat. “The kitty is a car right now, Akechi.”

   Akechi scrunches up his face, like this doesn’t make sense, which, to be fair, it kind of doesn’t.

   “Gun,” he decides instead.

   “Absolutely not,” says Yusuke, which is a mistake, because now Akechi’s swung his attention over to Yusuke, and Yusuke has a _tail_.

   In the next moment Yusuke screeches, because Akechi is tugging on his tail like his life depends on it. And now he’s trying to eat it.

   “No! No, Akechi!” cries Ann, prying Akechi off Yusuke’s tail. But Akechi’s got his fat little fists tangled in the fluff and he’s far stronger than any toddler really has any _business_ being, and he looks like he might start wailing if Ann persists.

   “Oh, let him play with Inari’s tail,” Futaba sighs. “It’s better than the gun.”

   “I have some objections to this,” Yusuke splutters.

   Ann gives up and lets go. Akechi squeaks with delight and pulls the tail again. Yusuke looks pained.

   “Hey, that thing’s not really attached to your ass, is it?” Ryuji asks him.

   “Ryuji! Watch your language!” hisses Ann. “There’s a _child_ present!”

   “Oh, shit,” says Ryuji, “I mean, hell. Oh, goddamn it.”

   “Shit,” repeats Akechi.

   Ann smacks Ryuji.

   “Oh, come on,” Ryuji complains, “it’s just effin’ Akechi, who cares?”

   “Eff,” Akechi says happily. Now he’s reaching for Haru’s axe. Haru hastily nudges it out of the way.

   The bus suddenly screeches to a halt, which sends all of them flying forward—Ann grabs Akechi before he can smack into the front seat, but he’s startled anyway, and starts wailing.

   “Joker, what the hell?” Ryuji shouts, casting an anxious glance at Akechi despite himself.

   “It’s there,” says Ren, sounding tense. “Around the corner. I can feel it.”

   “‘It’, as in… the thing that did this?” Makoto says in a hushed voice.

   Futaba gasps. “He’s right,” she says, scrolling text walls once again occupying the space before her eyes. “But it’s on the move. We have to go, now!”

   “Someone’s gotta take care of the baby,” Ann frets, rocking Akechi back and forth, because he really _is_ a baby now, and nobody’s looking at him because it’s kind of freaking everyone out.

   “Bah,” says baby Akechi, sounding very unhappy.

   “Shh, sh shh,” Ann says, bouncing him. “ _I don’t know how to hold a baby. Someone take him._ ”

   “I’ll take him,” says Ren.

   “We need you on the front lines with us, Joker,” Yusuke objects.

   “No, Joker’s right,” says Morgana. “What’ll happen if he gets turned into a baby too? He can call the shots from the back if we need him too.”

   “Oh, alright,” Ryuji snaps, snatching Akechi (who protests with a sharp cry) and bundling him off to Ren. “But if _I_ turn into an effin’ baby, someone’s gotta explain it to my mom. And I’m not changing any diapers.”

   “Bah,” Akechi repeats, and pulls Ren’s hair, hard. Ren winces.

   “Let’s take it down quick,” he says. “Before Akechi stops existing.”

   “Remind me why that would be bad,” Makoto mutters.

   Akechi makes a faint gurgling sound, smiles a big baby smile, and waves baby fists at her. She thaws slightly.

   “We tried electric, ice, wind, and fire,” Ann remembers. “Didn’t go over so well.”

   Ren nods. “Mona, support,” he says. “Noir and Queen, you give it a try.”

   “If this thing turns out weak to bless,” Makoto grates, but summons Johanna. The roar seems to startle Akechi, who cries out again. He’s still tangled in his oversized Crow garb, which is a very poor makeshift swaddle, and his head is covered in vaguely brunette peach fuzz—it’s soft and mildly disconcerting in context.

   Ren’s pinky is currently trapped in the iron grip of a very small hand. He rocks Akechi with some trepidation and says, “Any luck?”

   “Psi seemed to work,” Makoto calls back. “Call it, Joker!”

   Ren motions for Ryuji and Yusuke to get in there. No words are needed—Ryuji hoists his bat with grim determination, and Yusuke’s already summoning Goemon.

   “Jo,” says Akechi. “Kah.”

   “Oh,” says Ren, eyes wide, while Akechi babbles happily about nothing.

   “You were his first word,” Ann whispers.

   “He’s kinda cute, right?” Futaba ventures. “All squishy-like.”

   “Poo,” says Akechi, collapsing into giggles.

   It’s not a difficult fight, though made somewhat longer by Ren’s insistence on evasion, and the fact that he’s holding a baby, and the fact that actually Akechi was apparently a rather cute baby who keeps burbling seriously at him and also jabbing him in the nose so hard his eyes started to water.

   But no-one complains, because by the end of the fight Akechi’s started to cry in earnest, real _first time on an airplane_ _I’ve just been left alone at the supermarket my blankie got broken_ crying, and if anyone else in the party turns into a baby it’s going to become completely unbearable, round cheeks and big eyes be damned.

   The Shadow finally dissipates. Ryuji rolls his shoulders with a groan.

   “Make him stop,” Yusuke says, looking agonised, but Akechi is still howling.

   “Shh,” says Ren to the baby, looking helpless. “Don’t—don’t do that. Why isn’t he changing back?”

   Futaba opens her mouth to offer a theory, but then there’s a light _poof_ and Ren gasps and crumples to the floor.

   “Joker!”

   “Joker?!”

   “ _Ow_ ,” says Ren, wincing and squashed.

   Sitting on his limbs is a fully grown Akechi with his hips wrapped in his jacket and his arms through the holes of his pants.

   “Ah,” he says.

   “Welcome back,” says Makoto drily.

   “Please move,” says Ren faintly, and Akechi seems to realise where he is and scrambles off him in a hurry.

   “I’m so sorry,” he says. “I, um. I’m not sure I’m entirely clear on what just happened. Could you enlighten me…?”

   Nobody says anything.

   “You were lighter when you were three weeks old,” Ren says, getting to his feet.

   “What?”

   Futaba throws him his gun. “Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies,” she says, and Akechi blinks, but seems to acquiesce to tabling the interrogation for the time being and goes to put his clothes back in working order.

   “It’s funny,” Akechi says to Ren, later, when the others have trickled wearily home and it’s just the two of them playing chess on Leblanc’s counter.

   “What is?”

   Akechi rolls his shoulder back.

   “I don’t really remember what went on in Mementos today,” he says conversationally and not at all like he’s deeply concerned by the fact, though if Ren knows him at all he surely is, “but a few sensations do seem to have remained.”

   “Like what?”

   “Like the smell of curry,” says Akechi. “And leather. A slight sway. And the vague memory of holding something red as tightly as I could.” He considers. “And, now that I think about it, an overwhelming feeling of… safety, actually. Security, or contentment. Quite bizarre, all things considered.”

   Ren knocks over a bishop and hastily props it back up.

   Akechi hums and takes it for his next move. “Anyway, thank you all for taking care of me,” he says. And wins the game in another move or so.

   Ren’s packing up the set and Akechi’s packing up to go when he says, “Your coat is made of leather, isn’t it? In the Metaverse, I mean.”

   Ren shrugs, internally screaming.

   “Curious,” says Akechi. “Well, I’ll see you later, Joker.”

   _Jo_ , says Ren’s brain. _Kah_.

   “Bye,” he says.

**Author's Note:**

> im on twitter [@corviiid](https://twitter.com/corviiid) babey


End file.
